perjantai 12. toukokuuta 2017

The Eurovision Song Contest - The French Way

The month of May represents three things to me: my birthday, The Ice Hockey World Championships and...The Eurovision Song Contest. The event that people love, hate and ridicule. We watch it making fun of everything we see, but if our country does well, we cannot help but to be just a little proud (yes, France, I'm talking to you.)

This Saturday it is again time to watch the spectacle the French way. Or apparently the way most European countries watch the contest. It seems Finland is one of the few countries that still takes the whole thing somewhat seriously. Finland has even established a tv-program called "The Contest of New Music" and the winner of the show gets to represent the country in the Eurovision Song Contest. The commentators do not speak over the on-stage hosts or the show. There is no straight forward insulting of the contestants either. The commentary is more informational than sarcastic and listen to this: Finland subtitles all of the songs! I find it so touching that my sweet little home country is still doing such a thing. You know what I mean: How many lyrics in the ESC make sense anyway?

To be honest, having been used to the Finnish way of being able to follow the show made it a bit hard in the beginning to tolerate the French custom. The commentators don't hesitate to talk over the show (apart from the actual songs) or make fun of just everybody and everything. But this year will be my third time watching the contest in France and my husband and I are ready with our wine bottles to be entertained.

Some examples of the French commentary

"So, she has been in the ESC already three times. I sure hope she'll win this time, because I don't feel like seeing her again. You will see what I mean..." *singer gets on stage*

On Serbia's candidate

"All right, next up a woman who will be starting this craziness. You will see her with her white transparent dress, wind machine and there will be a man who joins her...a real song of Eurovision!" *laughter*

On Ireland's ballad boy

"He seems to miss just a bit of testosterone."

On Croatia's candidate 

"Oh, he is so pure!"
"This man is two men hidden in one"
"He is quite attractive...but not physically"
She continues: "I could even be having an affair with him! Imagine...Like, have you seen us? It would be horrific and against the law."
(my note: isn't this man the Cameron Tucker of real life of Modern Family??)

Commentator: "But the ESC is supposed to be kitsch! Isn't it? It is kitsch!!"
Colleague replies: "Of course it's kitsch. Otherwise you wouldn't be here!"

Fun fact: In the past the ESC was even less highly viewed in France and the commentators got once drunk on Champagne during the show...and they would not hesitate to tell it to the viewers somewhat like this: "Oh my god, it's so hot here and we are just drinking Champagne and getting drunk!!"

As we are anyway planning a tipsy Saturday I thought to make it a bit more fun with a little drinking game!

The Eurovision Song Contest drinking game

Drink if.......

Host country's show + on-stage hosts
  • Someone appears on stage in a traditional costume
  • This year's theme is something cheesy or vague. (For example: just love, come together, world peace etc)
  • Hosts flirting with each other
  • Host/s change clothes
  • Lame and/or awkward jokes
  • Hosts scream: "We looooove yooou!"
  • Your country's commentators are laughing at the hosts

  • Contestant shouts in a cringe worthy way: "Europe I love yoouuuuuu!" or "Thank you, Europe!"
  • Background dancers smile like maniacs
  • there's the line "...give up" in the song
  • there's the line "I can't go on" in the song
  • Singer wears a long dress with thigh high slit (drink again if the dress suddenly becomes a mini dress/body)
  • Singer is dressed in full white or black
  • Singer reaches dramatically to camera with her/his hand/s
  • Male background dancer is shirtless
  • You spot an instrument that is not being played
  • A piece of clothing is removed
  • Singer plays guitar on stage
  • Singer has disturbingly weird hairdo
  • Title of song makes no sense
  • Language is other than English
  • Lyrics make absolutely no sense 

Counting the votes
  • There's technical difficulties and the person who is supposed to give the points keeps staring at the camera. "Hello! Hello? Can you hear us??"
  • Person announcing the votes won't go to the point and keeps on talking...
  • Person announcing the votes is an ex ESC contestant (drink more if he/she makes a reference to his/her past show that nobody remembers...)
  • Drink everytime your favorite gets points!

And finally...empty all bottles if your country/favorite won!

My favorites this year are: France, Bulgaria and Belgium ;)

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